knotted

as an adult
it should be
easy
to ask for help
it should always
have been
easy
we understand,
now, depth of
character and
we are so much
closer to 30 than
to 21
we’ve begun
to experience the
world
but
how can I explain
that on the inside
I am still
just raped
decades past the
first time
but I can no more
explain
what happened
how I feel
than
I could when I was 6
what I want is
not words
(adults are always full of them)
but to be held
with one of your
arms beneath
my knees and one
around my back
a knotted person
entirely supported
by you
to cry
but I have never had
tears
for this
the pain is
too great
for even the smallest parts
of me
to melt.

Written by Annie Jadin, speakingvoiceless.wordpress.com.

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9 thoughts on “knotted

  1. “but to be held
    with one of your
    arms beneath
    my knees and one
    around my back”
    The details provided for how you should be held creates a clear image, and an image that has me visualizing a child being picked up and held close. It was initially a child’s pain you wrote of, and the impact of this image with an adult decades aged shows how real the pain still is. I hope your writing gives you an outlet for some of this heartache.

    Liked by 1 person

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